Growing up, there are certain things you learn to take for granted. The earth is round[1], one plus one is two, Finland doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning the Eurovision song contest, Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia, and so on. One of those things you learn at an early age is that our solar system has nine planets.
Well, turns out our solar system only has eight planets. Pluto has been voted off the island, so to speak.
Pluto was, when first discovered in 1930, considered a planet, because the most accurate equipment and calculations at the time pegged Pluto to be of approximately the same size as planet Earth. As measurements have become more precise, however, Pluto's size has decreased to the point where it's smaller than our moon. And we just can't have that, can we? Some fancy-schmancy organisation called the International Astronomical Unit has been debating how to define a planet. And yesterday they apparently reached a conclusion.
Thus, as of August 24, 2006, Pluto is not a planet, but a dwarf planet. Not only that, but the asteroid Ceres in the asteroid belt is now also a dwarf planet, as is 2003 UB313, who apparently is larger than Pluto.
Adding insult to injury, Pluto's moon Charon may be promoted so that Pluto and Charon may be considered a binary planet system. Man, Pluto just can't catch a break this week, it seems.
This is an outrage! School curricula throughout the world will have to be changed. I feel as if everything I've been taught is a lie. How can I now trust anything our teachers have told us? Heck, is this even English I'm writing? For all I know, it might actually be Azerbaijani.
This brings back memories from second grade. No, not about being beat up by sinister third graders, I've repressed all that. Through the kindness of the Finnish educational system, we had just received brand spanking new atlases. Like all good atlases, it contained maps of the world. Then the Soviet Union folded, and about half of the atlas was invalidated. This was the early 90s and Finland was deep in a recession, so we were freaking stuck with those atlases for years! Heck, with Czechoslovakia splitting up and Yugoslavia descending into chaos, the damn thing gradually became even more inaccurate!
Well, uh, my condolences to Pluto and its relatives. Because, clearly, if I was a trans-Neptunian object, I'd be very concerned with what the ants living six planets over are calling me.[2]
[1] Eeh, close enough.
[2] Yes, self-aware planets are part of my belief system. Haven't you people read Solaris?[3]
[3] Well, okay, I haven't actually read it either, but I've seen the movie![4]
[4] Well, okay, I haven't actually seen the original Tarkovsky classic either, but I've seen the American remake!
