Wesley Snipes: What Went Wrong?

The other day I saw one of Wesley Snipes' latest movies, the straight-to-video b-flick The Marksman. It was quite terrible. It was released in 2005, not a year after the theatrical release of Blade: Trinity, which, while a bit of a disappointment, by no means could be considered a flop. Snipes in fact seems to have made a boatload of stv movies lately, and has several more of them lined up (hint: if an American-produced movie is being shot in Bulgaria, chances are it's a b-movie.). So what gives? How does one go from having a decent Hollywood career to b-movie land within less than year? Other action stars like Jean-Claude van Damme or Steven Seagal suffered a string of box office flops before being relegated to straight-to-video, and someone like Bruce Willis hasn't been able to headline a box office hit in years, but still regularly gets work (and don't get me started on director Uwe Boll!).

Maybe Snipes did burn a few too many bridges over Trinity. Reports of altercations with director David Goyer surfaced during production of the movie, and after its theatrical release Snipes at least threatened to take movie studio New Line to court, alleging breach of contract. That said, plenty of movie stars are, if you pardon my French, pricks. Many of them seem to be doing fine nevertheless (I'll concede that the jury is still on whether Mel Gibson can survive his recent scandal).

Another possible theory, and one I find more likely, is simply a matter of money. Snipes was recently suspected of tax evasion, witholding millions in taxes. Starring in a bunch of these stv flicks is easy money. Even c-movie star Dolph Lundgren receives a million bucks a movie. And his movies generally have a budget of less than five million! Compare that to Snipes' stv movies, which all seems to fall in the 10 - 20 million range, of which at least 10% ought to be Snipes' salary.

Whatever the case may be, Snipes deserved better. Unlike other action stars like Van Damme or Seagal, Snipes had decent acting chops, and regularly appeared in more serious drama movies. Wesley, get over yourself and make Blade IV!

TUMotW: Below

Previous installments: Spartan, The Core

This week's movie: Below
Directed by David Twohy
Written by Lucas Sussman, Darren Aronofsky and David Twohy
Starring Matthew Davis, Bruce Greenwood, Olivia Williams, Scott Foley

Below is a world war II submarine horror movie. That sounds like a recipe for disaster, but it actually works quite well. The pedigree of the makers are not bad: David Twohy also wrote the movie adaptation of The Fugitive and directed the decent horror sci-fi flick Pitch Black (and its spectacularly crappy sequel The Chronicles of Riddick). Co-writer Aronofsky is of course an indie movie favourite whose other movies include Pi and Requiem for a Dream. Leading man Bruce Greenwood is of course a personal acting favourite, having starred in several excellent, but tragically underappreciated, features.

Clearly someone involved in the movie pissed off someone at distributor Dimension, as the movie only got a severely limited theatrical release. The movie went on to make about two bucks in theaters. Which is a pity, because this movie deserved better.

The plot is relatively straight-forward: a US submarine rescues the crew of a sunken battleship. Strange events begin to unfold aboard the submarine. Unlike many horror movies these days, Below doesn't go for all out gore and sheer explicitness. In fact, there's really only one jump-out-of-your-seat moment in the entire movie. The rest of the movie is spent subtly building up a creepy, uneasy atmosphere, greatly enhanced by the claustrophobic setting of a submarine.

Overall a highly enjoyable and well made movie.

The Weekly Box Office Commentary: Holy F***ing S**t! Edition

The weekend estimates are in, and all I can say is wow. Just wow. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is breaking records left and right. Apart from biggest opening weekend ever (at $132 million), it managed biggest opening day ever ($50 million), and if the estimates hold, it'll be the first movie ever to cross the $100 million line in two days. Wow, just wow. Hard to say how much money the flick will ultimately make, but rest assured it will be quite a lot. Though, X-Men: The Last Stand, which also opened to over $100 million earlier this year, took a nasty beating in subsequent weeks, and looks to end up with a comparatively paltry $230 million total. The word of mouth was mixed at best, though; if PotC is better received, $400 million is not out of the question. Non-probable, but not out of the question.

Superman apparently returned a bit too soon, as it took a nasty 58% drop, making "only" $22 million in its second week, for a grand total of $141 million (which PoTC almost made in a mere three days!). Not very good news for what supposedly is the world's most famous comic book character. Here's a brief list of superheroes beating Superman: Batman, Spider-Man, X-Men, Jesus.

An Inconvenient Truth is chugging along, having moved up to fourth highest grossing documentary, at about $15 million. At some point a few months ago I made the prediction it would end up with about $25 million, good for third place overall, which I think will hold.

In other box office news, the star power that is David Hasselhoff propels Click over the $100 million, making it the Hoff's second $100 million hit in a row, following 2004's Dodgeball.

TUMotW: The Core

Previous installments: Spartan

This week's flick: The Core
Directed by Jon Amiel
Written by Cooper Layne and John Rogers
Starring Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhart, Stanley Tucci, Delroy Lindo, Bruce Greenwood, DJ Qualls

I get the feeling my entire blog readership (yeah, both of you) is having a WTH?^[1] moment right about now. But hear me out.
Don't get me wrong. The plot is ridiculous. Here's a brief run-down:

1. The earth's core stops spinning
2. Shit happens
3. A crack team of scientists decides to nuke the core into spinning
4. More shit happens
5. Saved!

This is essentially a big budget b-movie^[2]. It's a fun, stupid movie with a stellar cast, including the great Stanley Tucci and the tragically underrated Bruce Greenwood^[3], who unfortunately snuffs it about half way through the flick^[4].

This movie essentially belongs in the same category as fellow disaster movie Armageddon: it's not high art, but it's a good way to kill a couple of hours.

^[1] What the Hasselhoff?
^[2] b₃m?
^[3] Who also stars in several upcoming installments of TUMotW...
^[4] Spoiler? I'll give you a spoiler: at the end, Bruce Willis realises he's been dead through the entire movie. I'm not saying which movie, though.

The Weekly Box Office Commentary

Happy July 5th! No one celebrating July 5th? Okay then.
The latest box office numbers are in, and apparently Superman has returned, bringing in 74 million over the extended weekend^[1]. About time too, apparently the movie has been in the making for some 10 years and ended up costing 260 million dollars (of which at least 100 million had been spent before filming even began!). It doesn't beat the two Spider-Man flicks or the latest X-Men one, but it's a not too shabby number nevertheless.

An Inconvenient Truth brought in $2.6 million, moving the Truth up to the fifth highest grossing documentary of all time.

Other than that, not too much of interest. Other than The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift is making way too much money. I opted out of that franchise after...the first movie, and the idea that the box office returns may well secure the production of a fourth fast and furious flick...oh, the horror, the horror.

^[1] July 4th is Independence Day in the US, making Friday - Tuesday a five day weekend.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Discworld

Via Slashdot^[1] I found this interesting article by Client DeBoer on the competing Blu-Ray and HD-DVD formats, both touted by their respective backers as the replacement for the DVD format. DeBoer posits that neither of the two will catch on with the general public, and lists the top ten reasons for them failing to do so. The point that rings most true to me is this one:

3. HD DVD and Blu-ray are NOT Quantum Leaps in Technology
Consumers came over in droves when CDs were released back in 1982. The new format offered not only a new digital media, but also a way to instantly access tracks across an entire album. Convenience, not technology, drove this format to almost instant consumer adoption. Fast forward a bit to 1997 when the first DVD player was released. Again, convenience, not technology, drove people to the market en masse. Unlike VHS tapes, the new DVD format was smaller, easily navigated and would not wear down over time like existing tape-based formats.

Exactly right. The introduction of the DVD was nothing short of a revolution. Blu-Ray? HD-DVD? Okay, so it's better than DVD, but is it better enough?
DeBoer also mentions the spectacular failure of SACD and DVD-Audio, two competing format intended to replace the CD. The first thing I thought the first time I heard of either a couple of years ago was "eh." Audio CDs are good enough. Perhaps not for those of you with golden ears, but for us mere mortals they most certainly are.

Besides, I wouldn't spend money on a player of one format or the other until I'm absolutely sure the one I'm picking is the format that will ultimately prevail. Let's just say I'm in possession of waaay too many Betamax tapes for me to get into the early-adoption game again. Another important issue is backwards compability; I'm not going to replace my DVD collection^[2], so any player I buy had better support DVDs as well.

Though, unlike the VHS and Betamax, Blu-Ray and HD-DVD have the exact same dimensions, and I can't imagine it being to difficult to create a player that could handle both Blu-Ray and HD-DVD discs. The end result might be much like the format war between the DVD-R and DVD+R burnable DVD formats: ultimately all burners just supported both, the format war essentially ending in a tie.
For the time being I'm sticking with my DVD collection, though. Until HVD comes along, that is.

^[1] Oh, don't start.
^[2] Which numbers well over 200 at this point. My salary is way too high.

The Weekly Box Office Commentary

Here's another new pseudoweekly feature, wherein I'll comment on the latest box office figures. I've already commented on box office numbers in at least one previous entry, though that was specifically for An Inconvenient Truth. I don't intend on writing longer dissertations on the inner workings of the box office, I suggest going to Box Office Prophets or Box Office Mojo for that. Rather, I plan on commenting on a select few movies currently in theaters that I find interesting.

The number one movie of the weekend is Click, Adam Sandler's 510^th hit movie in a row. To be honest, I never did understand the appeal of Sandler. I mean, his movies are fairly amusing, but box office gold? Nevertheless, it should come as no surprise that Click is a hit, as it also stars David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff.

Speaking of overrated comedians^[1], Jack Black apparently also has a hit movie out called Nacho Libre. In two weeks, it's taken in about 52 million dollars.

Over all, this didn't appear to be a good movie-going weekend in the US.
The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift? Man, those Japanese horror movie really are scary!
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties? Starring Academy Award nominated actor Bill Murray...my head almost exploded typing that.
The Lake House? Yeah, because we've all been clamouring for a romantic movie starring Keanu Reeves. "Woah! We'll. Always. Have. Paris! Duuuude!"

Outside of the top ten, An Inconvenient Truth is chugging along. It's now the seventh most successful documentary of all time, with more to come.

^[1] Sandler, not The Hoff!

Tragically Underrated Movie of the Week: Spartan

Time to unveil another new (ir)regular^[1] feature on this here blog. As you might possibly glean from reading the title, in this feature I will present movies that I enjoyed very much...but no one else did, be it because no one saw it or because everyone else hated it.
I'm not planning on writing full-fledged reviews^[2]; I'd rather consider them reviewlets™.

This weeks movie: Spartan.
Directed and written by David Mamet
Starring Val Kilmer, Derek Luke, William H. Macy, Ed O'Neill

Spartan was fairly well received when it was released in theaters in the spring of 2004, but it didn't do much business. Which is a pity, because it is a great movie.

The story is a fairly ordinary spy thriller: The president's daughter is kidnapped, and Val Kilmer's US agent (of an unspecified agency) is tasked with getting her back. It is not so much the story that makes this an excellent movie, but rather the way the story is told.

Many persons find the rhythm of Mamet's dialogue to be a bit grating, but I found it to be rather intriguing. It worked well with the overall tone of the movie. The score, camera angles, pacing, acting...it all comes together to create what could otherwise have been a bland and unoriginal thriller.

Overall an excellent movie. Towards the end it becomes a bit too preachy in critiquing cynicism in politics, but it doesn't take too much away from the movie as a whole.


^[1] "... of the Week" does in no way suggest this will be a weekly feature. Rather, it means "whenever I feel like it."
^[2] And may it never be said I'm a good reviewer. Here's my review of X-Men: The Last Stand: "Okay."

Downloading this blog entry is a criminal offense punishable by death

In the past few years or so, just about every DVD I purchase features this unbypassable antipiracy advertisement that starts the minute you pop the DVD into the DVD player. The ad goes something like this:

"Waah! Waah! Stealing is bad! Waah! Waah! Instead of making 11.5 gazillion dollars last year, we only made 10.5! Waah! Waah!"

Granted, they do have a point. If everyone just downloaded all the movies they wanted to see, the movie companies would go bankrupt. Of course, one could then argue that if your business model doesn't work, perhaps it would be prudent to change business model. But that's for another blog entry (or not).
But here's where they're completely off the mark: Since I've purchased the DVD in the first place, I don't fucking need to be lectured about the virtues of buying goods! I'm with you on the whole capitalism-as-an-economic-system paradigm! And I particularly don't need to be lectured about it on every single DVD that I buy, and every single time I sit down to watch a freakin' DVD.

And while I'm in a complaining mood, what's up with those warning labels on cigarette packets?
"Smoking can cause cancer."
"Smoking is bad."
"No, seriously, smoking is really bad."
"If you smoke this, you will die a horrible and painful death."
What purpose do they serve? Are there any habitual smokers out there, who upon noticing the warning labels think to themselves "Waah! I had no idea smoking was hazardous for your health! I better stop smoking immediately!" I think not.

A Convenient Truth

I'm a huge statistics nerd. I'm also a movie buff. In addition to that, I have a keen interest for politics. Ever so often, I get to combine the three. This entry is one such occasion.

This weekend Al Gore's global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth opened in limited release. According to Box Office Mojo, the movie took in an estimated $266,000 in four theaters over the weekend. Let's compare that with with another movie that opened this weekend, X-Men: The Last Stand. In 3,690 theaters, it took in an estimated $107,000,000 (these are three-day weekend numbers; Monday is Memorial Day in the US which essentially makes it a four-day weekend).
Of course, that's comparing apples to oranges. The Truth is a documentary. About your imminent death, no less. Not exactly blockbuster material.
The most profitable documentary ever, Fahrenheit 9/11, took in $119,194,771 in its entire (American) run. X-Men almost took in all that in a weekend.

The strategy for the release of the Truth (and many independent movies) is to build up word-of-mouth by first opening in limited release, and then expand into more theaters as the movie's reputation grows. With Hollywood blockbusters, it's the exact opposite; they open in as many theaters as possible in order to take in as much money in the first weekend as possible. That is to minimize the effect of bad word-of-mouth getting around too much and having too much of an impact on the box office (although, the X-Men flicks have typically been well liked, and I don't think the latest one will be an exception).

Where the Truth goes from here is anybody's guess. It did extremely well in it's opening weekend, and it's been getting excellent reviews pretty much all around. If it catches fire, it can be this year's March of the Penguins (the second most profitable documentary ever, with $77,413,017 in US box office). My prediction* is that the Truth ends up with about $25,000,000, good for third most profitable documentary ever.
And X-Men will end up with about $350,000,000.

* It should be noted I'm horribly bad at predictions.

Thomas Kretschmann: Typecast

I watched Der Untergang (Downfall in English) the other day, and lo and behold! Thomas Kretschmann plays a supporting role as a military officer of the Wehrmacht. Again.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane.
It seems Kretschmann's career as a Nazi officer begins in 1992, when he co-stars as Lieutenant Max Luedt in Norwegian movie Krigerens Hjerte. Apparently he does well enough, as he lands the part of Lt. Hanz von Wistland in the classic WWII movie Stalingrad the following year.

It takes quite a few years, but eventually Hollywood notices. In 2000, Kretschmann stars as as submarine captain in Jonathan Mostow's audition for Terminator 3, U-571. Roman Polanski then brings Kretschmann back to land in 2002's The Pianist, in which he plays Captain Wilm Hosenfeld.

2004 turns out the be year of the Kretschmann, when he manages to play a nazi officer in not one, but two movies about WWII. The first of these is the aforementioned Der Untergang, in which Kretschmann plays the part of SS-Gruppenführer Hermann Fegelein, brother-in-law of Eva Braun. The second movie is straight-to-DVD hit U-boat (also starring the one and only Xander Berkeley).

Where does Kretschmann go from here? Who knows. Kretschmann's turn as a green vampire in guilty pleasure Blade II suggests a way for him to escape typecasting: Lots and lots of make-up.

And the Oscar goes to...The Hoff!

One of the highlights of the DVC movie going experience was the movie trailers. Apparently there's a new movie, Click, out soon starring David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff aka The One True God. For some reason the trailer seemed to focus more on Adam Sandler than The Hoff, but I assume it's because they don't want to spoil too much of the movie.
Sandler is apparently also the only one to get top billing, which may seem like an affront to The Hoff, but in reality it is a testament to The Hoff's star power. He's so instantly recognisable that the advertisers don't need to identify him by name.

This will be The Hoff's first movie appearance since his scene stealing performance in 2004's Dodgeball.

The Da Vinci Bore

So I saw The Da Vinci Code the other night. 2.5 hours in a movie theater, and my ass hurt. I suspect there's correlation between the two. Anyway, the movie was alright for what it was. Ron Howard has done better flicks.

I've read the book, and a few of Dan Brown's other novels, and color me unimpressed. Honestly, I have no idea what the controversy is about. Brown writes B-rate conspiracy thrillers. They are decent reads, but clearly not the second coming of Christ...okay, poor choice of metaphor. My bad.

It seems as if it doesn't take a whole lot to become a famous author these days. Witness the Dan Brown model for sucess:
1. Write bad novel, pretend that it's been thoroughly researched and based on facts
2. Throw in a bit of Jesus in such a manner so as to piss off the Catholic Church
3. Laugh all the way to the bank

Even I could pull that off! So, without further ado, I proudly present the synopsis for my own novel:

JESUS vs. PREDATOR
Remnants of an ancient alien race lies buried beneath the icy surface of Antarctica. A team of archeologists, to be played by Playboy playmates in the movie adaptation, discovers them and unwittingly unleashes unmitigated evil upon earth; evil the likes of which mankind has never seen, at least not since Steven Seagal's last movie.
Only one man, and one man only, can defeat this evil. That man is Pat Robertson. He prays a hurricane to Antarctica, which destroys all aliens and magically makes all homosexuals straight. The day has been saved, praise the lord!

Okay, you might say that there's nothing particularly offensive to Christians, Catholic or otherwise, in that synopsis.
But I would think considering Pat Robertson to be Christian is as offensive as it gets.